Over-the-counter antacids are like cheap tequila - great while the party lasts, but leaves you grappling with a horrendous hangover the next morning. Yes, they extinguish the fire in your belly (aka heartburn or indigestion), but did you ever stop to consider what else they're doing inside you?

The figureheads of stomach relief - calcium carbonate (fancy name Tums), and aluminum-based antacids - lunar land on your digestive tract with constipation and bouts of gas. But hang on - if constipation scares you more than a haunted house, you can always kiss antacids containing calcium or aluminum goodbye. Better yet, ask your friendly neighborhood pharmacist for some guidance.

To make things a bit more interesting, team up with fiber-based foods like whole grains, legumes, fruits, and veggies (in essence, eat more rabbit food) and down it with tons of liquid. Just for the record, by liquids, I mean water, not your favorite margarita!

Now, if you're a fan of those magnesium-based antacids, expect a flood in your system. And if you are keen on experiencing diarrhea with nauseating cramps, simply overdose on these.

Still with me? Good. Here's more 'fun' facts for you. Turn antacids into your mainstay, and you might walk right into an electrolyte imbroglio - a topsy-turvy turmoil of minerals in your body that can mess with your heart, muscles, nerves, and kidneys. Think of it as shaking a soda can and then opening it - not quite the explosion you want inside you!

If you also have a thing for those calcium-containing antacids, let me introduce their sidekick, kidney stones - those painful little nuggets that can make you scream louder than a heavy-metal rockstar. And if you push your luck by coupling your antacid with a calcium supplement, you're playing right into the hands of hypercalcemia, signaling a VIP entry to a world of weak muscles, fatigue, and bone agony.

Aluminum-antacids have their own shenanigans too. Overdose and you can bid farewell to calcium, leading to weaker bones, all under the starlit banner of osteoporosis. So, before you pop that antacid, ask yourself – "Do I fancy a future with brittle bones?" If this petrifies you, it's time to knock on your healthcare provider's door.

Remember, like everything in life, there's a right way to use antacids. They're not candies, they're medications. A bit of wisdom and moderation can help you enjoy the relief without the regret. So chew on that!