Sometimes, February can feel like the month where fitness resolutions go to die a slow and painful death. Shoved in the face by cupid arrows, drowned in heart-shaped chocolates, or crushed under the weight of three extra layers of clothing. It's hard, we get it. But here at EatKaleOrDieTrying, we don’t endorse surrender. Not with your ex, not with all the extra fluff that’s been hibernating since the Big December Feast, definitely not with February rolling around. We're offering you some in-your-face, kickass bodyweight exercises that even your grandma can take a swing at, minus the chic (and mostly expensive) home equipment that are currently serving as your favorite hand-me-down cloth rack.

Squats, firstly. These are like the pirate’s booty of the fitness realm - golden, underrated, and secretly beneficial if you figure out how to do them right (hint: it’s more than just bending your legs and trying not to look foolish while getting back up). Besides giving your bum a nice lift, squats also provide a hidden fortune of flexibility, balance, and lower-body strength. Mix and match to your heart's content with jump squats, single-leg squats, or adding pulses like a circus clown on caffeine.

Next comes our old friend, push-ups. If squats are pirate's booty, push-ups are that savvy pirate who knows every trick in the book, often underestimated, always effective in making the opponent (read: your noodle arms) scream in agony. Beginner or no, push-ups offer a hefty package of chest, shoulders, triceps, and core strength. Make it easy-peasy with knee push-ups or wall push-ups, or take a leap having incline, diamond, and even clapping variations.

Planks, they’re much less adventurous than pirate sagas but hold the same thrill - these suckers can make you sweat buckets while you just hold still. Jokes aside, these golden exercises work on abs, shoulders, back, and glutes, all at once. Be creative with planks’ sober cousin, side planks, or get playful using leg lifts.

Coming in after are lunges. Contrary to squats, these don’t make you look like you’re battling an invisible chair but more like proposing to the gym floor. Not only do they do wonders for your quads and thigh muscles, but they also increase flexibility and stability without straining your knee joints.

Now to the bedroom favorite (not like that, you naughty thing) - glute bridges. These easy peasy lemon squeezy moves strengthen your lower back and core, and especially vital for our lovely sitters that need to wake their sleep-a-holic glutes. Turn up the fun with one-legged bridges or adding pulses at the hip thrust.

Speaking of fun, superman exercises, the ultimate core and back strength builders, make you appear like an untidy sandwich flip. Then, there are the mountain climbers, which might as well be called mountain shredders because they make your calories run for their life while toning your full body.

In a similar vein, we have bicycle crunches for when you miss your old, rusty bike. These high-intensity moves engage the whole core (yes, even those abs you’ve never met before). Cue in tricep dips – the arm-toning move that won’t make you feel like your arms are made of spaghetti. Side leg raises offer a refreshing break from the all-abs obsession, targeting hip and thighs instead.

Wall sits return to the scene, for when you’ve had enough of your couch and need a scenery change. These glorified air-chairs enhance lower body strength and endurance like no one’s business. And finally, some moves to up the action – jumping jacks and high knees. These are the heart-racers of the lot, boosting cardiovascular health and endurance like running, but without the tediousness.

Aaand wrap! An array of body workouts, right within your four walls. Onward, try these today. Tell February to suck it and embrace a stronger, fitter you. And remember – when in doubt, Eat Kale or Die Trying!